Well hellloooooooo, loves!
对不起，我已经有点不在这里最近。我只是一直在做的太过好我的工作October Little Goal（放松。）
Alright, that’s a bit of a lie. I’ve been doing a good job of not expecting too much of myself, cutting some slack, and trying to just take a breather and have some actual down time. It’s helpful, but I am still wallowing in that burned out feeling and it’s not so hot.
检查明天在一排我的第四和最后的南瓜食谱！好极了！但是今天我终于共享一个奇怪的那种我提到半程马拉松重述我normal half marathon recap.
It’s rather apt on a day when I’m explaining the burnout and my need for some relaxation because it’s an odd but important part of running for me … the mental aspect.
This race, though, turned into a weirdly emotional experience for me.
I’ve made it no mystery on here that I’m trying to fight off anxiety that I feel creeping into my life. And I definitely made it no mystery that前一周我半程马拉松赛是非常困难的week在工作中（加上超级PMS由于最近节育掉。）这是高焦虑，高压力，高PMS和低自尊的一个星期。
You know what fixes all of those things? ENDORPHINS.
Accomplishing a physical challenge that I did NOT think I’d do very well at, after a week like this, was exactly what I needed. It was tough, yes. I didn’t do anywhere near as well as I’d hoped when I first decided to do another half and I signed up.但我做到了。And I did it with a good attitude.
I could tell by mile 2.5 that it was not going to be a pretty race. Not surprising. I was SO frustrated when I hit mile 3 that I already was dying to walk, and I honestly thought for a split second about what the shortest route to get back to my car from that spot was. But then I told myself: ummmm you can totally WALK ten miles. And if that’s what you have to do, you’re going to do it.
真正。因此我坚持下去。我走了很多关于未来几英里，我觉得精细. Not good, not bad (mentally); surprisingly tired physically (but no aches or pains yet.)
And then commenced a series of what I viewed as karmic cheers for me to carry on. Right as I started to feel better, we caught the first glimpse of the Tower Bridge dead on (I love it. But that also means we were coming closer to the river, which I REALLY love.) Just after that, we rounded a corner and passed some awesome drummers (another love) and the absolute second that they were out of earshot and I turned my headphones back up, one of my favorite songs on my workout playlist came on. (The songI rambled about in this post, that just puts me in a happy trance and I can keep on running.)
My little karmic signs didn’t stop there! Probably my second favorite song on that playlist came on next (Gorgeous by X Ambassadors), and I passed a woman holding a fantastic sign that said something along the lines of “high five here for a power up” and it had a big burst at the bottom corner of the sign that people smacked on their way past it. Adorable, sure, but I found it downright karmic that it was immediately before we sidled up next to the river.
Ohhhh, the river. Now THAT’S my power up. I absolutely always feel happier when I’m outside, but by water? By our gorgeous rivers here in Sacramento? Oh, man. That’s where my soul lives.
I don’t think I can really explain it. I hadn’t felt that good, in general, on a run, but especiallyabout myselfin too long. And I’m sure the raging PMS had some hand in it.
Probably the best part about feeling like that with a great soundtrack in my head and nothing but time to think is I had some much-needed time with a relatively clear mind to THINK. Think about what’s been causing me so much stress and anxiety lately, how to fix it, what I need in my life. Of course these are things I’ve been thinking about lately in general, but from the mindset of “what is WRONG with me that I’m feeling this way?” On the high of feeling my self worth, my mindset shifted to “what do I deserve?”
Those endorphins and that sense of accomplishment were better than Prozac. (said entirely for embellishment considering I’ve never taken Prozac so don’t go ditching your meds if you need them )
I walked most of those last three miles. (Though I DID power walk because I’m a mean power-walker.) Somehow I found the drive to push through and jog a lot of the last mile, and even picked up the pace for as much of a sprint as I could muster to cross the finish line.
After my bizarre displays of emotion earlier, I was a bit fearful that I might burst into a puddle of crazy crying at the finish line.